I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You can't special order awesome
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
