I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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