Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
