Nicole vs. Life
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
