If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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