So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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