goodnight i made you a song goodbye
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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