Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
