We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Randomize
