Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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