I think I won the penis lottery.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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