Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Let's get the cat blown out
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
