Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
