I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
