at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
