Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
