Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
