we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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