remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
