So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
