did you get engaged???
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
