even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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