please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
