whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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