and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
this boner is exhausting
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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