Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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