i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
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everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
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If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
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