I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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