I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Drunk is not a location!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
