I heard we made out
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Dear god my vagina.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
