So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
