if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
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Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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