your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
