I am spending my child support on dildos
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
