I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
