Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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