last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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