i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
