he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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