hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
