They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
