um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
