med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
