So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
