It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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