So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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