I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
