you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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