She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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