sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
