this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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