he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
