someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
