I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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