Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Who put my cat in the fridge?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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