you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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