I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
