If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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