remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
