I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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