We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
