garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
